someone once told me i was beautiful, then vanity took over my life.

Self image...

Christmas is nearly here and going out and about is becoming a mission for me, I have recently found out that I have a real need at the moment to present myself as being a little more... glam,  I guess. I used to feel comfortable going out to the shops in leggins and a hoodie, my hair up in a mess and no make-up on.

For some reason I feel now I have to make this effort to impress people and myself in what I look like, I will refuse to leave the house unless I feel that my cloths look fairly good and I have gone through the rigorous task of applying the make-up ad doing my hair. 

For the last two weeks my boyfriend is the only person who has seen me with no make up on at all and just a hoodie and pj shorts. From the impression I get I feel that he prefers me with no make-up on but my subcontious self can not stand for believing that this is so, therefor I layer up the makeup and get ready for my day. I do not find that wearing the makeup makes me feel more comfortable but I do feel more outgoing and confident.


hmmm. dear santa, please may i have me back for christmas, or is this me? x

Cross-training (also known as circuit training) refers to an athlete training in sports other than the one that athlete competes in with a goal of improving overall performance. It takes advantage of the particular effectiveness of each training method, while at the same time attempting to neglect the shortcomings of that method by combining it with other methods that address its weaknesses.

Negativity and finding my feet

Negativity inside myself.

People around me always say that me being happy makes them happy and in my head I put on a happy front to allow people around me to feel that i am happy which in turn makes them happy.
i have been with my partner over 2 years now and i feel that making changes is a good idea, people say we're becoming comfortable around each other; things have happened to me since my last post and i feel that inside i need to change, mature and find my feet. 
The things that have happened to me are very personal and things others have done have made me feel extremely uncomfortable around them and with myself.
                  How am i supposed to solve this?!
Many times i have thought to myself that it would help just to get over it and put the thoughts behind me and move on, but i feel that makes me think about it more and actually thinking about things can make you feel better.
One of my previous options is to get as much attention from other people i can so i feel more wanted and needed, when i don't feel i'm appreciated i throw myself to people who i think appreciate me and want me even if it is only a temporary fix and will never make things any better.
My last option and most sensible in most peoples eyes is to identify why i'm not happy and uproot it all then start fresh and realize that i am better than what i thought. Hmmm?

10lbs down!!

EEEK!

I have officially lost 10lbs, feeling allot more fresh and energetic.

So many big plans for this year and it's so important for my life, just need to budge a few more lbs then I'll fully set to take another step towards total self esteem and confidence :) yippee

Keeping up

So; recently it's been quite hard keeping up to date with my blog because I have had three English Literature essays to do (what a chore)!!

Update:

I have been to the gym three times this week, each session at least an hour, last Sunday I went for 2 hours which was really great as I managed to get everything done I wanted to do and I managed to fit in a great range of exercise including a 30 minute run on the treadmill.

Eating properly this week has been a bit hard for me as I haven't been 'in the mood', that sounds really stupid but I keep loosing my appetite and have become very concious of how many calories and how much saturated fat and normal fat is in food. I sometimes will eat a packet of crisps then look at the calories and think I have to burn of that amount in the gym. I think this could be coming a little obsessive but I am on the right track and just need to balance my meals and enjoy what I have.

x

Gymaholic

Update

The last few days I have been to the gym every day after school.

Most days I go from 3:30pm until 4:30pm but yesterday I went from 3:25pm until 5pm.

I'm finding going to the gym very liberating and encouraging for myself, people are already starting to notice the difference from when I started, my legs, bum, arms and tummy feel allot firmer and I feel more toned in general.

The Happy Feeling

I never thought I'd be saying this about the gym, exercise and eating healthy; I LOVE it.

I have done some research and found out the buzz from going to the gym is because of endorphins, "Endorphins are defined as hormone-like substances that are produced in the brain and function as the body’s natural painkillers. During exercise, these endorphins are released, and this can produce feelings of euphoria and a general state of well-being. "

I almost feel that the feeling of happieness after the gym has been addictive, once you get the feeling of euphoria you just crave that feeling and want it more and more, the more I exercise the more I feel happy with myself and feel like I look better bringing me greater joy.

life

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colourfully, or you're not alive.

Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.

dreams

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.

Exercise and weight update.

21/01/2011

I have had two Physical Education lessons today, both consisting of fartlek training which involves running around a circuit.

Jog diagonally across the tennis pitch and through the gate and run up the grass about 30 metres turn back and sprint to the gate where you meet the gravelled path, jog down the gravelled path then walk back to the tennis courts. repeat as many times as possible. I managed about 18 laps today.

After school at 3:30pm I went to the gym for just over 1 hour. This is the second time I have been to the gym and I have to say even though I was sweating like mad and bright red I truly enjoyed it,

I've been told I'm mad but it puts you in a weird zone where you just put fat burning mode on and watch the calories being burnt go up and up. You think about nothing other than the hard work you are doing, it really helps clear my mind and keep me smiling.

HAPPY ENDORPHINS :)

My boots are too big!

Things I love; I really love a huge number of things right now, mostly people and my bed but hey, tidy bed tidy mind, right?

Both parents mean allot to me at the moment, they are very supportive and help me stride my way through all manor of problems and hard work; so does Phil, he keeps me strong and motivated which is what I truly need at the moment with trying to get into shape.

... oh and I love bananas rather allot at the moment.

Things I hate; I have many situations revolving around in my head at the moment, school, exams, relationships with friends, family. I try my very best to keep my school life and my home life separate and not bring my problems and worries into school but very recently one of my closest friends has fallen apart and against from people; people I am friends with in school. The sad thing is I can't cope with being a messenger or mediator when I don't even understand what they are arguing over?!!

The future awaits

The 3 above pictures were my first pictures taken...

I decided to start keeping my picture log.

This is to show my first ones taken, before I start loosing weight (hopefully)

I never liked my bulgy bits and extra tyre nor big thighs, and love handles.

I will keep posted as often as possible from today my images.

above images from 19/01/2011... the future awaits

First things first

Welcome,

I'm Hope and this is my first proper blog.

My plan is to progress through my days and post my weight loss.

I am 16 and living in Starston, Norfolk, UK. I'm a student at Archbishop Sancroft Hight School in my last year.

It all started in August 2009 when my weight was 189lbs (13.5 stone).

I had been on holiday to Dorset to see my dads family when it hit me that I was very over weight for my age. At this time I started talking to Phil over the internet and found myself falling for him, we arranged to meet up the day I got back from my holiday at about 5:30pm.

I had told my parents I was going to see a friend and walked straight out my gate once I was unpacked and changed. They questioned the fact I was going to see a friend (in fact they were correct to be questioning me), I became very intent on going to meet Phil who at the time was practically a stranger to me.

That evening I became increasingly hungry whilst I was out with Phil although I didn't let it on.

I felt very self concious and uncomfortable for a while then I warmed to him, by 11pm I was so hungry I started to feel very sick and my parents were phoning and texting me asking where I was, I finally came home just after midnight. By then I was no longer feeling hungry so I went straight to bed, the next day I didn't eat at all and this carried on for 3 days, each of which I saw Phil, by then I think he realised I hadn't been eating properly because I kept complaining I felt ill, ever since then I have been watching what I eat and have lost 35lbs (2.5 stone).

I have put weight on gradually since my birthday which was in September and have now decided that I should loose more weight and get into shape.

I started to make a picture log of myself throughout my weight loss.

I started the gym yesterday 18th January 2011, I will have my first proper gym session tomorrow 20th January 2001.

:) x