someone once told me i was beautiful, then vanity took over my life.

Self image...

Christmas is nearly here and going out and about is becoming a mission for me, I have recently found out that I have a real need at the moment to present myself as being a little more... glam,  I guess. I used to feel comfortable going out to the shops in leggins and a hoodie, my hair up in a mess and no make-up on.

For some reason I feel now I have to make this effort to impress people and myself in what I look like, I will refuse to leave the house unless I feel that my cloths look fairly good and I have gone through the rigorous task of applying the make-up ad doing my hair. 

For the last two weeks my boyfriend is the only person who has seen me with no make up on at all and just a hoodie and pj shorts. From the impression I get I feel that he prefers me with no make-up on but my subcontious self can not stand for believing that this is so, therefor I layer up the makeup and get ready for my day. I do not find that wearing the makeup makes me feel more comfortable but I do feel more outgoing and confident.


hmmm. dear santa, please may i have me back for christmas, or is this me? x

Cross-training (also known as circuit training) refers to an athlete training in sports other than the one that athlete competes in with a goal of improving overall performance. It takes advantage of the particular effectiveness of each training method, while at the same time attempting to neglect the shortcomings of that method by combining it with other methods that address its weaknesses.

Negativity and finding my feet

Negativity inside myself.

People around me always say that me being happy makes them happy and in my head I put on a happy front to allow people around me to feel that i am happy which in turn makes them happy.
i have been with my partner over 2 years now and i feel that making changes is a good idea, people say we're becoming comfortable around each other; things have happened to me since my last post and i feel that inside i need to change, mature and find my feet. 
The things that have happened to me are very personal and things others have done have made me feel extremely uncomfortable around them and with myself.
                  How am i supposed to solve this?!
Many times i have thought to myself that it would help just to get over it and put the thoughts behind me and move on, but i feel that makes me think about it more and actually thinking about things can make you feel better.
One of my previous options is to get as much attention from other people i can so i feel more wanted and needed, when i don't feel i'm appreciated i throw myself to people who i think appreciate me and want me even if it is only a temporary fix and will never make things any better.
My last option and most sensible in most peoples eyes is to identify why i'm not happy and uproot it all then start fresh and realize that i am better than what i thought. Hmmm?

10lbs down!!

EEEK!

I have officially lost 10lbs, feeling allot more fresh and energetic.

So many big plans for this year and it's so important for my life, just need to budge a few more lbs then I'll fully set to take another step towards total self esteem and confidence :) yippee

Keeping up

So; recently it's been quite hard keeping up to date with my blog because I have had three English Literature essays to do (what a chore)!!

Update:

I have been to the gym three times this week, each session at least an hour, last Sunday I went for 2 hours which was really great as I managed to get everything done I wanted to do and I managed to fit in a great range of exercise including a 30 minute run on the treadmill.

Eating properly this week has been a bit hard for me as I haven't been 'in the mood', that sounds really stupid but I keep loosing my appetite and have become very concious of how many calories and how much saturated fat and normal fat is in food. I sometimes will eat a packet of crisps then look at the calories and think I have to burn of that amount in the gym. I think this could be coming a little obsessive but I am on the right track and just need to balance my meals and enjoy what I have.

x

Gymaholic

Update

The last few days I have been to the gym every day after school.

Most days I go from 3:30pm until 4:30pm but yesterday I went from 3:25pm until 5pm.

I'm finding going to the gym very liberating and encouraging for myself, people are already starting to notice the difference from when I started, my legs, bum, arms and tummy feel allot firmer and I feel more toned in general.

The Happy Feeling

I never thought I'd be saying this about the gym, exercise and eating healthy; I LOVE it.

I have done some research and found out the buzz from going to the gym is because of endorphins, "Endorphins are defined as hormone-like substances that are produced in the brain and function as the body’s natural painkillers. During exercise, these endorphins are released, and this can produce feelings of euphoria and a general state of well-being. "

I almost feel that the feeling of happieness after the gym has been addictive, once you get the feeling of euphoria you just crave that feeling and want it more and more, the more I exercise the more I feel happy with myself and feel like I look better bringing me greater joy.

life

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colourfully, or you're not alive.